I can hardly believe it is nearly over. An hour from now I will be able to speak freely again!!!
I am so used to carrying my communicator about with me EVERYWHERE so I shall feel very strange without it. I will be constantly looking behind me checking I have not forgotten it. Although I am obviously looking forward to regaining the power of speech, a small part of me will be sad to see the communicator go. Your voice is part of your identity - people can tell a lot by the sound of your voice. The communicator has been my voice for the best part of a week and so it was in a way, part of my identity for that time. However, I will be regaining part of my identity by being able to talk again!!!
What a journey it has been...and not over let. We shall be reflecting on this one for a long time!
Wednesday, 19 December 2007
5 Hours to go 'til speech
This may be the last post I manage before the challenge ends and I return to speaking again.
Yesterday was a good day. First we had the Therapy Team Breakfast. I couldn't believe the amount of food there was!!! Then, we got to listen to our radio broadcast on BBC Radio Glocestershire at 11 am. All the Speech and Language Therapy team came to listen and we had some very kind messages of support from them afterwards. Bruce came to record the interview and the comments from the team.
I had a phonecall from PRI Liberator to arrange returning the Vantage (my communicator) to them. The lady I spoke to commented that I seemed to be doing well with the communicator. I had of course explained who I was and about the challenge - she seemed interested! I think I've become much more confident with the telephone now. As well as PRIs call, I had 2 other calls to deal with yesterday and though not perfect they were far more successful than at the start of the challenge and at least no-one hung up on me!!
We then had lunch together in the staff dining room which gave us a chance to see what the team's signing knowledge was! I find it quite hard to use the communicator AND eat at the same time!! I managed to have a little social chat with Karina (one of the team's assistants) using the communicator. Jon our head of department commented that it was nice to hear me using the communicator to chat, as up until then he had only really heard me using it in some way related to the challenge itself.
I realise up to now that I haven't really spoken about the students' reactions to all this. My impression is that they have reacted positively. I think they have found it amusing that the shoe has been on the other foot so to speak! But, some have also asked me how's it's going, have listened intently and have given me the thumbs up when I use the communicator to talk to them. Thank you students - you are our inspiration!!!
As it was the last night of the challenge I asked my husband whether he was looking forward to me speaking again. Although at the start he made lots of jokes about how much more difficult it would be for me to nag him (!!) I think he really has missed the talking. He said it's been a bit like being at a pantomine with all the signs and gestures he's had to interpret. I've noticed though that he is more patient with me when I use the communicator now. He finds it hard to deal with things that go at a slower pace as he's always thinking way ahead..so it's been a challenge for him and he's had to learn something too. I am very thankful for all his support over the past few days and for understanding the reasons for doing the challenge AND for taking me to his work party too! I'm sure we will be talking about the experience for some time to come and I'll get to learn more about the experience from his perspective.
Yesterday was a good day. First we had the Therapy Team Breakfast. I couldn't believe the amount of food there was!!! Then, we got to listen to our radio broadcast on BBC Radio Glocestershire at 11 am. All the Speech and Language Therapy team came to listen and we had some very kind messages of support from them afterwards. Bruce came to record the interview and the comments from the team.
I had a phonecall from PRI Liberator to arrange returning the Vantage (my communicator) to them. The lady I spoke to commented that I seemed to be doing well with the communicator. I had of course explained who I was and about the challenge - she seemed interested! I think I've become much more confident with the telephone now. As well as PRIs call, I had 2 other calls to deal with yesterday and though not perfect they were far more successful than at the start of the challenge and at least no-one hung up on me!!
We then had lunch together in the staff dining room which gave us a chance to see what the team's signing knowledge was! I find it quite hard to use the communicator AND eat at the same time!! I managed to have a little social chat with Karina (one of the team's assistants) using the communicator. Jon our head of department commented that it was nice to hear me using the communicator to chat, as up until then he had only really heard me using it in some way related to the challenge itself.
I realise up to now that I haven't really spoken about the students' reactions to all this. My impression is that they have reacted positively. I think they have found it amusing that the shoe has been on the other foot so to speak! But, some have also asked me how's it's going, have listened intently and have given me the thumbs up when I use the communicator to talk to them. Thank you students - you are our inspiration!!!
As it was the last night of the challenge I asked my husband whether he was looking forward to me speaking again. Although at the start he made lots of jokes about how much more difficult it would be for me to nag him (!!) I think he really has missed the talking. He said it's been a bit like being at a pantomine with all the signs and gestures he's had to interpret. I've noticed though that he is more patient with me when I use the communicator now. He finds it hard to deal with things that go at a slower pace as he's always thinking way ahead..so it's been a challenge for him and he's had to learn something too. I am very thankful for all his support over the past few days and for understanding the reasons for doing the challenge AND for taking me to his work party too! I'm sure we will be talking about the experience for some time to come and I'll get to learn more about the experience from his perspective.
Monday, 17 December 2007
First full day at work!
Today was my first full day using the communicator at work.
It was great to be with Lucy today as I felt less isolated and it was good to know that we are both experiencing similar things. This morning the office was pretty quiet as the students are all doing Christmas things this week. However, I had to use my communicator on the telephone to finalise arrangements for our visit to BBC radio Gloucestershire involving one of our students. Fortunately the person I was talking to was aware I was using the communicator so it was a little easier than previous attempts. However, with no visual cues it is very difficult for the listener to know whether you are still composing a message or not. Also at the moment it isn't that easy to get to my pre-stored telephone messages e.g. "Please give me more time" (if needed) on one page and then back to composing the message in hand. I need to think of a more creative way round this.
I'm still surprised how many people seem to sign or gesture to us more than usual. I'm also surprised that some people seem to have stopped talking to us altogether. I think there's a little confusion between not talking but using a communication aid and not talking full stop (i.e. being completely silent!). This is an observation from several environments not just work.
This afternoon, we went to record an interview for BBC Radio Gloucestershire using communication aids with one of our students. We were excited but nervous about this prospect. However, the presenter, John, was very welcoming and put us at ease. The interview felt relatively informal and we even had a few laughs. I think we did an OK job though there are always things you wish you'd had time to say and some things you would have said a little differently given a second opportunity. Well the broadcast takes place tomorrow morning at approximately 10.10 am. I will be more nervous about listening to it than recording it!!! I hope we have done justice to the students, the college and ourselves!!
Feeling absolutely shattered now. As I said before I didn't think this would be as mentally and physically tiring as it has turned out to be so I'm off to rejuvenate.
It was great to be with Lucy today as I felt less isolated and it was good to know that we are both experiencing similar things. This morning the office was pretty quiet as the students are all doing Christmas things this week. However, I had to use my communicator on the telephone to finalise arrangements for our visit to BBC radio Gloucestershire involving one of our students. Fortunately the person I was talking to was aware I was using the communicator so it was a little easier than previous attempts. However, with no visual cues it is very difficult for the listener to know whether you are still composing a message or not. Also at the moment it isn't that easy to get to my pre-stored telephone messages e.g. "Please give me more time" (if needed) on one page and then back to composing the message in hand. I need to think of a more creative way round this.
I'm still surprised how many people seem to sign or gesture to us more than usual. I'm also surprised that some people seem to have stopped talking to us altogether. I think there's a little confusion between not talking but using a communication aid and not talking full stop (i.e. being completely silent!). This is an observation from several environments not just work.
This afternoon, we went to record an interview for BBC Radio Gloucestershire using communication aids with one of our students. We were excited but nervous about this prospect. However, the presenter, John, was very welcoming and put us at ease. The interview felt relatively informal and we even had a few laughs. I think we did an OK job though there are always things you wish you'd had time to say and some things you would have said a little differently given a second opportunity. Well the broadcast takes place tomorrow morning at approximately 10.10 am. I will be more nervous about listening to it than recording it!!! I hope we have done justice to the students, the college and ourselves!!
Feeling absolutely shattered now. As I said before I didn't think this would be as mentally and physically tiring as it has turned out to be so I'm off to rejuvenate.
Over half way through!
Well, I'm now past the halfway mark and there are only 2 more days to go. I can't believe how quickly the time is flying by!!!
Well after Saturday's hectic schedule, Sunday was quite literally, a quiet day at home!! Apart from buying a Xmas tree & decorating it, oh and practising my telephone skills on my dad, I did little else. This gave me time to reflect on my communication at home and communicator usage...
Well after Saturday's hectic schedule, Sunday was quite literally, a quiet day at home!! Apart from buying a Xmas tree & decorating it, oh and practising my telephone skills on my dad, I did little else. This gave me time to reflect on my communication at home and communicator usage...
- I actually use the communicator very little at home, generally relying on gestures and signs (fortunately I have taught James one or two handy Makaton signs over the years!). Besides that, James knows me very well and so he's pretty tuned in to what I'm thinking (most of the time!). I think Lucy must have been reading my mind when she said she now understands why many of our students choose not to use their communicators at home (see Lucy's blog).
- I've also noticed that I only communicate my thoughts and feelings to others when I really need to. Most of the time I just have a private monologue with myself inside my head. This is ok to a point but I really do miss the general 'chit chat' that I have with James on a daily basis or when I get home from work. There have been times when communication has been more of a 'chore' than a pleasure - I don't know any one who doesn't like a bit of a natter!
- Having said all of the above... I'm glad I have a communicator and am not relying on signs and gestures alone. This would be impossible as many people don't know any formal signing system and to be honest... I've had to laugh at my sometimes quite daft attempts at gesturing my message! I sometimes feel like a french mime artist or a character in an episode of Mr Bean! Goodness knows what I must look like to others!
- I am starting to worry less about my mistakes now. The odd spelling error doesn't bother me so much as long as the message sounds ok and makes sense. Sometimes I accidently select a word from my word prediction row rather than my message window (to make my message speak). This means I end up saying a word that is sort of similar to the intended word. So far it has either been mildly amusing or a little annoying - I hope I don't make a really embarrassing mistake and end up saying something very rude instead!
- I quite often change my intended word with one carrying a similar meaning if it is on the screen in front of me rather than going to a different 'page' on my communicator. This is a strategy I use to try and speed up the process.
All in all, I still feel that I'm a way off being a trully effective communication aid user, but, I am improving!
Sunday, 16 December 2007
The Story So Far...
Well, It's been 42 hrs 50 minutes since the experience began and yes this is the first time I've had a chance to sit and write my blog!! It has just been so busy and to reiterate what Lucy has said on her blog, I AM ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTED!!!
So I thought I'd pick out a few of the "highlights" (or possibly some "Lowlights" of the experience so far)....
THE TELEPHONE CALL (Friday , approximately 4.15 pm)
Well... only a few minutes into my experience and I'm in the office when HORROR the telephone rings and I'm the only one there to answer it! For a second I paused and asked myself "do I answer or not?". I decided (either bravely or stupidly given the amount of time I'd been using the communicator - not sure which) to take a chance and have a go at answering it. I quickly fumbled around trying to remember wher I'd stored my telephone phrases, found the page on the communicator, grabbed the telephone receiver, fumbled around again trying to remember how to turn on the speaker phone and finally (just in the nick of time) answered the call!! By this time I was quite stressed out. However, I managed to find the appropriate messages and fortunately the member of staff who had called me responded quite well to be fair - she wanted to put another call through but somehow during a long pause while I was mid message building, we got cut off! I'm not sure what happened but I'm pretty sure she DID NOT put the phone down on me! A few minutes later the phone rang again and I answered, again. This time it was reception asking if they could put a call through (presumably the same caller). This time I reluctantly said "No" as by this time I really didn't feel profficient enough to go through with it. Afterwards I felt so guilty and rushed round to reception with my communicator to apologise. The receptionist understood - I can only hope the caller did and I whole heartedly apologise for my incompetence and any inconvenience caused!
I think the telephone is going to be a difficult situation to master but I do want to try! I will practise today and try telephoning my dad!
THE TRADESMAN (Saturday morning)
I have been very surprised by different reactions to the communicator. On Saturday a tradesman came to the house. He had visited only a week before and had dealt with me as a speaker. I was very surprised that suddenly his manner was quite different. Although polite, he spoke to me with a louder voice, slowed down his speech and generally seemed to use much simpler language. He also turned to James (my husband) quite a few times instead of talking to me. I thought "I'm still the same person I was last week, the only difference is that I am using an electronic voice!". He was a very pleasant guy and I think he was unaware of this change of approach. However, it left me feeling nervous about other people's reactions.
THE ARGUMENT
Well, yesterday morning James and I had a minor disagreement! Trying to get your point across in a heated situation when you are using a communicator is extremely difficult and frustrating as the person (speaker) you are 'arguing' with has the upper hand. I tapped away furiously but just couldn't get my point across fast enough. Also when the other person is all fired up to argue their point they're not going to wait for you to get your point across. I ended up feeling extremely frustrated, angry and upset!
CHRISTMAS SHOPPING & THE PUB (with Bruce, the college website guy)
Yesterday afternoon Bruce came to do some filming for the college website. He had already been to Lucy's house so it was interesting to catch up on how things had gone there (see Lucy's blog). He told me that it had been very positive so I felt less nervous about going in to town and using the communicator. We did a bit of filming and talking about my experience so far (this should be on the college website http://www.natstar.ac.uk/ soon!) then went into Kidderminster. We managed to do a bit of filming of me buying some wrapping paper from a market stall but couldn't do any filming in major high street stores due to permissions. However, I still managed to use my communicator to purchase some vouchers from a leading computer games store and make a purchase from a leading ladies fashion store. We then went to my local pub and Bruce filmed me ordering drinks. To my relief people treated me pretty normally and some e.g. the market trader, seemed interested in what we were doing. I managed to give out one or two cards out with our background information on it. All in all an ok experience.
THE CHRISTMAS DO (Saturday night)
Last night we went to my husband's work Christmas do! I was especially nervous as I hadn't met any of James' colleagues before and was worried they would find it difficult to talk to me! It felt slightly strange to start with and some people commented on how it affected the conversation e.g. "The pauses feel awkward.. you feel like you need to fill them" and several people said they were aware they were slowing down their speech and doing a lot more gesturing than usual even though they were aware I had no problems understanding them. I thought it was good that they were aware of this and were reflecting on the experience themselves. A lot of people introduced themselves to me and seemed genuinely interested in what I was doing and why. Having the display on the communicator was useful in this environment as the music was very loud so the speech could not be heard. However, I had to be careful I didn't make my message too long as the beginning would disappear off the screen. This was a bigger problem with prestored messages about Star Appeal. I try to use shorter messages for everything else - you really change your language and prioritise what you say a lot more!
Every one was extremely generous and I managed to secure a bit more sponsorship! They even put on a raffle in aid of the Star Appeal! I stood up to make the draw and put my communicator up to the microphone to tell everyone a bit more about the appeal etc. If any one had said I would have had the confidence to do that I would not have believed them! We raised another £64 towards the appeal. THANKYOU TO EVERYONE for your warmth and generosity!!
... well, that's enough of my ramblings! I am going to have a well needed rest. I feel mentally and physically shattered today!!
So I thought I'd pick out a few of the "highlights" (or possibly some "Lowlights" of the experience so far)....
THE TELEPHONE CALL (Friday , approximately 4.15 pm)
Well... only a few minutes into my experience and I'm in the office when HORROR the telephone rings and I'm the only one there to answer it! For a second I paused and asked myself "do I answer or not?". I decided (either bravely or stupidly given the amount of time I'd been using the communicator - not sure which) to take a chance and have a go at answering it. I quickly fumbled around trying to remember wher I'd stored my telephone phrases, found the page on the communicator, grabbed the telephone receiver, fumbled around again trying to remember how to turn on the speaker phone and finally (just in the nick of time) answered the call!! By this time I was quite stressed out. However, I managed to find the appropriate messages and fortunately the member of staff who had called me responded quite well to be fair - she wanted to put another call through but somehow during a long pause while I was mid message building, we got cut off! I'm not sure what happened but I'm pretty sure she DID NOT put the phone down on me! A few minutes later the phone rang again and I answered, again. This time it was reception asking if they could put a call through (presumably the same caller). This time I reluctantly said "No" as by this time I really didn't feel profficient enough to go through with it. Afterwards I felt so guilty and rushed round to reception with my communicator to apologise. The receptionist understood - I can only hope the caller did and I whole heartedly apologise for my incompetence and any inconvenience caused!
I think the telephone is going to be a difficult situation to master but I do want to try! I will practise today and try telephoning my dad!
THE TRADESMAN (Saturday morning)
I have been very surprised by different reactions to the communicator. On Saturday a tradesman came to the house. He had visited only a week before and had dealt with me as a speaker. I was very surprised that suddenly his manner was quite different. Although polite, he spoke to me with a louder voice, slowed down his speech and generally seemed to use much simpler language. He also turned to James (my husband) quite a few times instead of talking to me. I thought "I'm still the same person I was last week, the only difference is that I am using an electronic voice!". He was a very pleasant guy and I think he was unaware of this change of approach. However, it left me feeling nervous about other people's reactions.
THE ARGUMENT
Well, yesterday morning James and I had a minor disagreement! Trying to get your point across in a heated situation when you are using a communicator is extremely difficult and frustrating as the person (speaker) you are 'arguing' with has the upper hand. I tapped away furiously but just couldn't get my point across fast enough. Also when the other person is all fired up to argue their point they're not going to wait for you to get your point across. I ended up feeling extremely frustrated, angry and upset!
CHRISTMAS SHOPPING & THE PUB (with Bruce, the college website guy)
Yesterday afternoon Bruce came to do some filming for the college website. He had already been to Lucy's house so it was interesting to catch up on how things had gone there (see Lucy's blog). He told me that it had been very positive so I felt less nervous about going in to town and using the communicator. We did a bit of filming and talking about my experience so far (this should be on the college website http://www.natstar.ac.uk/ soon!) then went into Kidderminster. We managed to do a bit of filming of me buying some wrapping paper from a market stall but couldn't do any filming in major high street stores due to permissions. However, I still managed to use my communicator to purchase some vouchers from a leading computer games store and make a purchase from a leading ladies fashion store. We then went to my local pub and Bruce filmed me ordering drinks. To my relief people treated me pretty normally and some e.g. the market trader, seemed interested in what we were doing. I managed to give out one or two cards out with our background information on it. All in all an ok experience.
THE CHRISTMAS DO (Saturday night)
Last night we went to my husband's work Christmas do! I was especially nervous as I hadn't met any of James' colleagues before and was worried they would find it difficult to talk to me! It felt slightly strange to start with and some people commented on how it affected the conversation e.g. "The pauses feel awkward.. you feel like you need to fill them" and several people said they were aware they were slowing down their speech and doing a lot more gesturing than usual even though they were aware I had no problems understanding them. I thought it was good that they were aware of this and were reflecting on the experience themselves. A lot of people introduced themselves to me and seemed genuinely interested in what I was doing and why. Having the display on the communicator was useful in this environment as the music was very loud so the speech could not be heard. However, I had to be careful I didn't make my message too long as the beginning would disappear off the screen. This was a bigger problem with prestored messages about Star Appeal. I try to use shorter messages for everything else - you really change your language and prioritise what you say a lot more!
Every one was extremely generous and I managed to secure a bit more sponsorship! They even put on a raffle in aid of the Star Appeal! I stood up to make the draw and put my communicator up to the microphone to tell everyone a bit more about the appeal etc. If any one had said I would have had the confidence to do that I would not have believed them! We raised another £64 towards the appeal. THANKYOU TO EVERYONE for your warmth and generosity!!
... well, that's enough of my ramblings! I am going to have a well needed rest. I feel mentally and physically shattered today!!
Friday, 14 December 2007
7Hrs to Go!
Well, it's the day I start my challenge...at approximately 4pm today I will be giving up my voice in exchange for an electronic communication aid!
ITV West were supposed to be sending a reporter this morning to do an interview with Lucy and I as well as two students. Unfortunately they had to cancel which is very disappointing for both us and the students who agreed to take part! Having some TV coverage would have been great for fundraising and extremely important for raising awareness of AAC and communication difficulties in general. We are very much hoping they can rearrange but we'll have to see!
It's been very strange observing Lucy (who started 48hrs ahead of me) using her communicator in the office. I think if anything it has made me feel more nervous about the challenge ahead as I can see the impact it has on any interactions she has. At least we are fortunate here that staff and students are used to seeing and talking to people who use communication aids so they are more patient and allow more time for Lucy to respond to them! However, one member of staff has already commented that she didn't stop to talk to Lucy in the office as she normally would when Lucy is speaking, instead they just exchanged hellos (Lucy just gestured and didn't use her communicator). If it is difficult here then OH BOY it's going to be a challenge in Kidderminster tomorrow when Bruce (our college website guy) comes to film me doing some Christmas shopping and ordering drinks in the local pub!! The pub in question, when asked if they would mind us doing some filming, asked "Is it going to take long?" and "What does it involve?" - I'm not quite sure what they expect but I explained that I would just order drinks the same as anyone else only using an electronic voice. I think it's going to be a long and challenging 5 days!
Another thing about Lucy's communicator is that although she is pretty quick at preparing her message, the device seems to take a long time to catch up with her and speak the message. I think mine will be a bit quicker in that respect, but, as I will be using a greater combination of symbols and text it'll probably take longer to prepare the message in the first place, especially when I'm using the Minspeak (LLL) programme (which is based on categories and associations) as there are lots of words that will take me longer to search for!
Off now to try and sort out Monday's BBC radio Glocester interview.
ITV West were supposed to be sending a reporter this morning to do an interview with Lucy and I as well as two students. Unfortunately they had to cancel which is very disappointing for both us and the students who agreed to take part! Having some TV coverage would have been great for fundraising and extremely important for raising awareness of AAC and communication difficulties in general. We are very much hoping they can rearrange but we'll have to see!
It's been very strange observing Lucy (who started 48hrs ahead of me) using her communicator in the office. I think if anything it has made me feel more nervous about the challenge ahead as I can see the impact it has on any interactions she has. At least we are fortunate here that staff and students are used to seeing and talking to people who use communication aids so they are more patient and allow more time for Lucy to respond to them! However, one member of staff has already commented that she didn't stop to talk to Lucy in the office as she normally would when Lucy is speaking, instead they just exchanged hellos (Lucy just gestured and didn't use her communicator). If it is difficult here then OH BOY it's going to be a challenge in Kidderminster tomorrow when Bruce (our college website guy) comes to film me doing some Christmas shopping and ordering drinks in the local pub!! The pub in question, when asked if they would mind us doing some filming, asked "Is it going to take long?" and "What does it involve?" - I'm not quite sure what they expect but I explained that I would just order drinks the same as anyone else only using an electronic voice. I think it's going to be a long and challenging 5 days!
Another thing about Lucy's communicator is that although she is pretty quick at preparing her message, the device seems to take a long time to catch up with her and speak the message. I think mine will be a bit quicker in that respect, but, as I will be using a greater combination of symbols and text it'll probably take longer to prepare the message in the first place, especially when I'm using the Minspeak (LLL) programme (which is based on categories and associations) as there are lots of words that will take me longer to search for!
Off now to try and sort out Monday's BBC radio Glocester interview.
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